Advice for Parents of Kids in Activities

Someone at school left this article in my mailbox the other day and after reading it I knew this was good information for many parents who have kids involved in athletics or even in any type of extra curricular activity.  As a coach I observed nearly every one of these habits multiple times and often times the parent or parents don't even realize it's happening.  Having spent a great deal on the coach side of this and worked with and recruited kids who had the parents who were in too deep, I've seen how these behaviors suck the enjoyment out of playing for too many kids.  

Now that my own kids are becoming fully active in youth sports this serves as a good reminder for me as well.  My own advice for parents is to always encourage from the positive aspect.  Tell your kids that mistakes are OK and that without them you won't learn and improve.  Let them know that they can ask for help anytime and you won't criticize or be critical.  My boys both know that I have only three rules when it comes to playing sports.  These are the same three rules I told every team I ever coached before playing a game. 1.) PLAY HARD 2.) PLAY SMART and 3.) HAVE FUN.  Winning was never mentioned as the ultimate outcome for a contest.  My belief was, if the three rules were followed then winning would take care of itself and if we didn't win and still followed the rules then we should be content that we gave our best.  I have told my boys that they don't have to like losing, but when they do, what are they going to do to help them and their teams have a better chance of succeeding in the future. As the article shares below, they first have to have fun if they are truly going to dedicate themselves to an activity.

I hope your able to take something from the ideas below!  

Why Your Child Has Fun In Sports — and You Don’t

2/3/2014

You remember your child’s first game? His first touchdown or tackle? Remember how cute he looked in his little pads or in his flag football uniform? Or how serious he looked as he headed toward the huddle?

It was all so fun at first, wasn’t it?

But sometime between then and now, a very subtle change comes over many sports parents. Perhaps you’ve felt it. Instead of experiencing pure enjoyment at watching your kids play, you now have tinges of stress and uncertainty.

If that’s true, then chances are you’ve developed one or more of these parental habits that can suck the fun right out of watching your child play sports. 

• Having unrealistic expectations of your child. Instead of demanding near perfection from your child, let him make mistakes without fear. Let him not always be on his game. Let him have brain farts. Let him be a kid.
• Comparing your athlete to another athlete. This one is so subtle most parents don’t realize they are doing it. “Look how fast Sammy ran towards the end zone!” “Wow, did you see him catch that pass?” We point out how good another athlete does in hopes of motivating ours to do better. Guess what? It doesn’t work. Your athlete has his own strengths and abilities. Let him excel in those without measuring him up to his teammates.
• Taking the game too seriously. Do you get really really mad at the officials? Do you feel depressed after a loss or after your child has a bad game? Do you pour over your child’s stats and insist that the records be perfect? Do you push your kid so hard that they are starting to push back? These are pretty good indicators that your child’s games have become way too important. Remember, they are called games. They are supposed to be fun.
• Missing the opportunities to laugh. For two years, my daughter was on a volleyball team where the girls laughed a lot when they played. Perhaps they seemed silly to some, but these girls learned a very important lesson that many sports parents need to learn: sometimes you just gotta laugh about your mistakes.  
• Worrying about your child’s performance. The funny thing about worry is that it never once helped my kids play better. It only stressed me out and made watching the game less fun.
• Over-analyzing the game. Learning from the game is one thing; dissecting the coach’s actions,  your child’s performance or the team’s mistakes until you are sick of thinking about them is quite another. As an analytical person, I have lost my appetite, sleep and rationality because I tend to over-think. Sometimes, you’ve just got to let it go. 
• Failing to see the bigger picture. And just what is the bigger picture? That sports are not the end in themselves.  Playing sports brings excitement and recognition. It may even help pay for college and open doors for the future (for a very small %), but nothing will ever be more important than the type of person your child becomes in the process.

I know about these sports fun-suckers because I have done every one of them.  And I have learned there is only one way to beat them: perspective.

 

Take a step back and look at the world outside your child’s sports.  Being too wrapped up in their competition makes parents lose sight of what’s really important in life.

  

With a healthy perspective on the importance of your child’s games, there is not much that beats the fun of watching your kid play sports.  

Janis Meredith, sports mom and coach’s wife, writes a sports parenting blog called JBM Thinks. Check out her Sports Parenting Survival Guide Series with survival guides for football, basketball and volleyball moms.